Duhrwin

"As I have endeavored these many past years to have a proper rendition of my self, as befits a Victorian gentleman, and, needless to say, behooves a renowned naturalist, I have thus come upon a rather witless individual to render my own elderly self; and in contemplation over the remains of various fossiliferous forms, no less. Indeed, with what manner these renditions will become known, or how they will be received by the public, I am as in the dark on this matter as, say, the actual observable genetic mechanism which could, by leaps and bounds, or by the slow pace of a snails' crawl, create an eye out of nothing. But beyond the hypothetical conjecture of my own hypothesi... nay.... completely unifying theory of how biological complexity arose from a non-descript soupy-like ooze (of which I am told is sold by Campell's currently, under the flavour "Prebiotic with alphabets and stars"), and beyond my own grizzled whiskers which, incidentally, trap various foodstuffs from time to time, I can only forsee my own popularity sky rocketing beyond the reaches of even Cuvier or that bufoon Buffon (How I possess knowledge of rockets escapes me at the moment, since I was never meant to traverse past the 19th Century)." -Charles Duhrwin, in "Reflections and General Hyperbole from Charles Duhrwin: From the Voyage of the Bagel to the Publication of The Origin of Feces"; reprint, Waffelshaufellschlaufenwaffen Publ., date unknown, p. 453 2/3rds.